Reflect- What version of Christ am I persuing?

Hey there and welcome back! 

Today I am reflecting on the version of Christ I am following. However, to start things off, the biblical definition of repentance, the act of which a person changes their mind and thinking about Christ. A verse that not only backs this up but hits me personally is Romans 5:15 "But the gift is not like the trespass. For if the many died by the trespass of the one man, how much more did God’s grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many!" We had discussed in class that Gods grace is a free gift but also an unlimited gift, his grace comes in abundance-it overflows! I don’t know why, but I feel sometimes it is hard to believe in His abundant grace. This is because I find myself often feeling hopeless when I cannot meet all of His expectations, I want to please Him, I really do, I want to earn Hs favor. However, I know that this is impossible to do for I will mess up and I am not trusting in Gods grace. Is it because I'm full of pride? Is there part of me that feels despair because I cant keep up with all these rules? And finally, am I following a gracious Jesus or a Jesus full of rules? 

In the beginning of this unit we began to discuss what the fullness of God looked like. We had said that "we want to follow Jesus but different teachings are leading us astray- and it all starts with our minds." I quickly discovered how true this was when as a class, we began looking at the glory, grace and truth of God. When looking at His glory, I saw how powerful and majestic God was, no one is like Him. But at the same time, I began thinking about Luke 2:9 "An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. Sometimes, I forget that God doesn’t only stand for His abundance in grace and His power of truth, but He also stands with judgement. Luke 2:9 says the people had seen the glory of God and were terrified. I too am scared of judgement and prefer to focus on His grace and truth more.  Maybe because I want to escape His judgment? I cant think this forever though because I know that when God comes a second time to judge, no one will be able to escape His judgement.  

Overall, I may be following the wrong Jesus by fooling myself into thinking He is just a God of rules and that He is a God of only grace and truth. I know that God is a combination  of glory, grace, and truth and that none of Him can be avoided or in other words its all or nothing. 2 Timothy 3:7 says that there will those who wont understand the truth and to ensure I wont be one of those people, I am on a journey to understanding the fullness of God or more specifically – what it means for me to understand that God rules with a power, saves by grace, and gives the light or the wisdom to those who wish to have freedom in knowing who He is.